January 7th Friday

I think that I feel great and start to get up and clean and then I have to sit down because I lose my energy really fast. I somehow just need to find a way to build my energy again. I am sure it will just take time. I think I am ready for sharing time, but I am still so weak that it certainly scares me to see what the out come will be.

While I have been trying to get better an still having to lie down a lot to keep going, I think a lot about all those people who have life so much different than I do and are sick with so many illnesses, and they have to stay in bed for months or even years. I realize that my complaints are so minuet compared to others. And yet being sick makes you realize how blessed you are in your life. I love all my children so much, they can't even comprehend how much, and they will never understand until they are all blessed with children of their own. My husband is so supportive and so loving that I wouldn't survive without him, I can't possibly imagine marrying someone else. I think about the guy that I dated before my husband came along to save me, and my heart shutters. I knew in my heart I would never marry him, but I also felt like I could change him. I dated him for over 1 year. Birthdays, Christmas and other things would come and go without a whole lot of great presents or things from him and yet I would try to make those things special for him. It seemed like I was always finding ways to see him. I would invite him to things. I would get my brother to double date and then I would call him and have him go with us. I think at the time I was not thinking straight, may be because I felt like I needed a boy friend. He was younger than I so he was still in High School when I graduated. He asked me to the Sweetheart ball. I thought I was in heaven. I had a great time, and certainly thought things were going to change. He asked me to Senior day which was part of going to a dance, then dinner, a movie and then breakfast. He asked me a couple of months before the dance. A week or so before the dance he called and cancelled. And yet time went on and I still thought I liked him. So once again I called and he did a lot of things with me. Because they weren't really dates at times I would pay. I guess back in my mind I knew he was dating someone else and yet I still was convinced I loved him. I knew he wasn't the kind of guy I would marry. His church attendence wasn't always what it should have been. He wasn't dedicated to the gospel of Jesus Christ the way I wanted him to be. He would sometimes swear, but not around me, he drank cola drinks which I did not believe in. He wasn't planning on going on a mission even though his older brother was a missionary. He was not what I wanted in a husband at all and yet I convinced myself it would be OK to keep dating him. Time went on and soon it was Christmas again. He actually bought me things that I always expected he would buy me. He bought me some perfume that I loved and a Carpenter record. I was so excited. His mother called and asked me to Christmas dinner. I loved the time there. Suddenly we were sitting out in front of my house talking. He was telling me that we needed to date others and cool the all the time thing. I said you know what I have had it. I just want you to go your way and I'll go mine and this is over. I always tried to get in good with his family. I would take this guys little sister to the movie and out to dinner if this guy wasn't home. I was so blind. This happened in December. Then I saw my husband in our ward on January. I thought he was a cousin to the Craven family, but later found out he was a son. He had just gotten home from his mission, he had his welcome home when I was at another ward. Everyone announced he had a girlfriend because a girl played the paino at his welcome home. But in spite of it all, I still felt like I wanted to get to know him. Well a few months went by and even though I saw him at church I never saw this girlfriend. But I did see the guy that I dated occassionaly he showed up at my house announcing a great score on bowling or just wanting to talk. In the mean time my brothers were using my perfume to make the fire in our fireplace larger. They disliked this guy and were very happy to let me know. I should have listened to them in the first place, especially my brother that was a returned missionary. It is interesting how in tune my family was. Before I knew it, a miracle happened and I was engaged to my husband, trust me there were times that my mom would call and say stay where you are at, this other guy is here again. The Lord caused an unbelievable miracle to happen. I got rid of a guy that wasn't the right one for me, and my Father in Heaven sent me an unbelievable guy that was just right for me. I think that is why we were engaged and married so quickly. It was the right thing to do came so strong I can't even imagine anything stronger. There are times that you go through some difficult times in your marriage, if you don't have a loving supportive spouse things will do nothing but get worse and I'd hate to see what happened then. The other young man married a girl who was the right one for him. I married the guy that was the right one for me, and the Lord certainly took care of me. Through my prayers, scripture reading and things I could do to draw closer to the Lord, made me realize that I wasn't quite in the right place to receive who the Lord had prepared for me. I am grateful for miracles in my life and I am grateful for those who love and care about me. I am grateful for those who pray for me. I am grateful to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am grateful that I was born an raised in a wonderful family who never gave up on me even though sometimes I was stupid. I am so grateful to be who I am and that I married in to the wonderful family that I did. That all of my brothers and sisters are good people who strive to live the gospel and that my family in law are the same. All of my husbands brothers and sister strive to live the gospel. I can't thank the Lord enough for my life, it could have been so different. I don't think I had the slightest idea that I married such a good man. He loves me, but most of all he loves the Lord and because he loves the Lord so much he loves me more. He hugs me all the time and tells me how beautiful I am. Even at those times when I am not, when I was very pregnant with twins. He kisses me in front of the family and holds me when I need to feel safe, when I need to be told everything will be alright, when I just need some reassurance, when I need to know that he cares. He reads his scriptures, says his prayers daily. He attends the temple weekly, he serves so many people. He is constantly scraping peoples walks in the winter. He does construction work for those in need, he serves his parents and mine because he is always there when they need him. He takes care of his parents by going by to see them a couple of times a week. He strives to keep the house clean when I am sick, he fixes meals. He cleans the kitchen when no one else in the home feels like doing it. He is constantly trying to do help anyone he can. He loves his children, prays for them, fasts for them and keeps a pray in his heart for them. He is constantly concerned about them. He is a good man and I am so glad that he is my eternal companion.

January 6th Thursday

I had my Primary Presidency meeting tonight. We had so much to discuss that it was almost a 2 hour meeting. I felt really bad because I know these ladies need to be home with their families. But we accomplished so much and I am so happy to be a part of of an organization that has such great ladies in it. I am so grateful for the inspiration I was given by the Lord to chose this presidency. I have been so blessed. They have taken care of everything fantastically while I have been sick. They are all a great blessing in my life. They did so much while I have been sick. They changed the bulletin board, plus they spent a lot of time cleaning out the primary closet. Such good women.

I've been still so weak, I wish I could say that I am totally back to normal but I am not. I have to do sharing time on Sunday, with as weak as I am it concerns me. But I know that I have great counselors and they will help me in any way that they can.

January 5th Wednesday

It is the beginning of a new semester for my children. They school today. They have some great classes and are ready for a new semester. I am glad they are enjoying life. It is fun for them. I have been sewing again today and actually got all 3 of my skirts done. I am so happy that they are all done. Now I just need a bunch of black invisible zippers to finish the skirts I started at Christmas. I am tired of unfinished projects and I am going to finish all my projects. I have a meeting tomorrow with my Primary Presidency, the first one I have had in a couple of weeks because I have been so sick. I am excited to get back in to things. I am just so blessed, because once again I feel better than I did yesterday. Each day is a miracle to me. Speaking of miracles. My mother in law is doing fantastic. She went through her surgery with miraculous success, and she doesn't have to go through physical therapy because her leg has made a miraculous recovery. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood and the power of pray. Once again a miracle has happened.

January 4th Tuesday

I have been feeling better but still really weak, so it has been another day of sewing. I almost finished 2 skirts today. I have done a lot of hand work up around the bands. So it has been a relaxing time for me. Plus I have accomplished something rather than feeling worthless. I only have one skirt to finish, then I will be through with all the skirts I have cut out for myself. I now have some new outfits, I am grateful for that one. I haven't had a new Sunday dress to wear for along time. Now I can make some fun varieties. Tamara added a ruffle to a dress she hates wearing. Now she loves it. Lisa has brought a whole new excitement to refashioning things for this family. I am so happy to make something new out of something that isn't being used. I am so happy for some new idea's. It is great.

January 3rd Monday

I have got to get better so today I got up and tried to accomplish something. I have had 3 skirts that I have wanted to make for myself. I took some dresses that my children would wear because they were just to small. I cut them off in to skirts but I have never made the skirts. So today I started. Because they are skirts I can do a lot of hand work from my bed. I worked hard and almost got one done. I don't seem to be able to stay up to long, because I am so weak. I have been taking the liquid iron Frank got me from the health food store, plus I have been taking Toms dreaded gumbo, plus some energize C. I have been drinking a lot. I am bond and determined to concur this sickness. I feel better every day and I am so grateful for that.
Michelle called and her children have been sick again, especially Tessie and Tyler. She finally took them to the doctor and they had a bad case of strept. I am sure she could have handled it without taking them to the doctor, but it seems to make her feel better and that is all that counts at this point. I is hard to handle sick children, especially when you are pregnant yourself.

January 2nd Sundday

I have been in bed again today. Thanks to my husband I am sitting in a beautifully cleaned room and bathroom, and because of that I can handle things a little better. While in bed I have listened to the sounds of Sunday. What a blessing music is in our life. It can bring such sweetness and peace. I have also had the opportunity to turn the TV on channel 21 which is wonderful. President Hales is speaking right now. He is talking about us and our choices. He talked about when he was a youth and he had the job of shellacking floors. On one particular occassion, he found himself shellacked into a corner. Rather than shellacking from the corner to the doorway he had done opposite and found himself stuck in a corner. He had taken away his free agency. He only had two choices he could either stay there and wait until the room dried or he could travel across the very sticky floor and cause himself to have to start all over resand, reshellack redo the floor. Just like in all choices we make. We can make life easy for ourselves just as we can shellack ourselves into a corner. He talked of Martin Harris who wanted to show family a portion of the plates. He went to Joseph Smith and asked please let me. Joseph Smith inquired of the Lord. Finally the Lord told Joseph Smith to do what he wanted too. So Joseph Smith let Martin Harris have that portion of the plates. They were lost. The Lord will only tell us No so long then he will let us make our own decisions. We have been counseled many times as to what we should do but in the end it is our decision. That decision can put us in corner with no escape, or it can give us all the agency we want. It is that way with everything we chose, a job we may be interested in, a school we may insist on going too, a carrier we may insist on pursuing, a marriage that we may insist on happening or chosing to go to the temple or not. These are all choices that can effect the rest of our lives. This talk was given by Elder Hales on Sept 2010 at BYU if you want to look it up. It really made me stop and think.

My daughter made it back home after being in Phoneix since Monday. A miracle happened for her and I am grateful that they are safe home. On the way home they arrived in a small town because they had run out of gas. After looking around they realized that there were no gas stations open, they chose to stay over night in a hotel. Suddenly realizing that the hotels were out of their reach, Nate determined that they would have to sleep in the car until morning. Lisa said Nate we need to go on, it isn't warm in this car. He said Lisa we are out of gas. She said I know that but if you are willing to drive to the next town. I have the faith and I know we will make it. Well they did make it, it was truly a miracle. I am sure it was over 25 miles away. Nate was almost in tears when they finally made it. Nate said now you are going to talk about this in church at every meeting for years. Lisa said you are absolutely right. I am so happy for her because we need to show gratitude to the Lord. He caused a miracle to happen and we need to acknowledge that, and share it.

January 1st 2011 Saturday

It is the beginning of a New Year. I was hoping to jump up this morning and be ready to go. But unfortunately I am still really weak. I just wanted to get my bedroom and bathroom clean. I hate being sick when all around me is falling apart. But I guess that wasn't in the works. I am still so weak and I feel like I can't hold up my own head. I just feel so bad because I am relying on my first counselor and secretary pretty heavy right now. I hate not being able to fulfill my responsibilites. I had a teacher call and is in St. George and forgot to get a substitute. After giving them a lot of names and phone numbers they finally found a sustitute. I was grateful for that. We have a young lady going into the young women. I needed to interview her and talk to the bishop. My first counselor will have to take care of that. It is a good thing that I have such responsible people under me. This week will be over and I will be me again. I am already sleeping through the night which I count a miracle. Life just keeps getting better.

My mother in law is in a lot of pain and still doesn't feel well. I pray that she will recover quickly.