January 30th Sunday

I enjoyed church today, but once again shock through sharing time, I wish I had an answer to this puzzling thing in my life. It has only been happening about the last year. I just don't understand it all. Like I have said before they are children, what can be scary about children. I kept waking up all night going over the lesson in my head, but even that didn't calm my nerves. It was a great day and I am so grateful for all the wonderful children, but I need some help. I think the only person that can give it to me is my Father in Heaven. I pray that he will give it to me. The Men and Women met the last hour because it is the 5th Sunday. Of course I wasn't there because I am in charge of the primary, but I hear about it. We as a ward have been listening to talks on marriage in our sacrament meeting, for the last 2 week, so the topic of discussion was marriage. One comment was made by Brother Hoopes that was an inspiration to all that was present. We are taught our whole lives by our parents, so we do what our parents do. He said his wife's parents don't have a good relationship at all and his parents are divorces, so a lot of what each one of them do comes from there parents. One day they both realized this and decided to do thing the way they would do them rather than the way their parents would do them. They found themselves saying I did that just like my Dad, or I did that just like my Mom and that is not me. So they would change. He said through a lot of prayer we have changed that but it has taken a lot of time. I didn't ever even think of that before and I am grateful for the incite, because hopeful I can become myself and a better person. This experience has taught me a lot. I guess you could say, a teaching moment.

January 29th Saturday

Saturday the day to get ready for Sunday, but that hasn't happened at my house today. I ran to the fabric store with my daughters and got a pattern. I ran to Target with my daughters and helped them get some cute clothes. I got me some cute sweaters with my Target gift card. It was a great day and a lot of fun. But I was kind of shocked when I came home after a fun day and found out I was the one in charge of sharing time tomorrow. So I got right on that, but because of that my house didn't get as clean as I would have liked it to get. I think I have gotten things ready. My oldest daughter suggested that I make chocolate chip cookies for everyone, and liken them to the scriptures. I am doing my lesson on the 5 sense's. So you can experience the 5 sense's through a cookie. Smell, taste, touch, see, hear. You can hear your mother baking them and then the other ones of course are easy to figure out. But the cookie is like the scriptures, because you can do all of the sense's with scriptures as well. Because when we feast upon the scriptures we are enjoying them to there fullest potential. I made everyone in the Primary a cookie. It will prove to be interesting and fun. I just hope I don't shake, I know that it is all crazy, these are just little children.

January 28th Friday

My daughter went and played basketball with my son and my son in law. My daughters played for 3 hours. Now one of them pulled a muscle in her back and she can't walk. Sometimes life just seems to be a little out of control. She went to school this morning and them comes home and does some damage to herself. It isn't very fun for her because at this point no matter how she moves, she is in pain. My other daughter and I went to the library on Monday and rented 5 old movies. We have been lazy this week and watched one a day. It is so interesting to see the old movies and get a new prospective on the way things use to be done. But it has given my daughter that is in pain something to do today to get her mind off of the pain. I think it is going to get to the point that the only thing we want to watch is older movies. But I have been quit surprised at the movies, we have watched movies with one of my all time favorite actress and that would be Debbie Reynolds, but even some of the older movies can have some questionable matter. I guess at the time I watched them I didn't even understand what was going on. I love the fact that I could enjoy movies and not see the junk in them.

I got all my visiting teaching done today. My partner could not come with me because she had an operation yesterday. But I achieved getting it done. One lady called me and we had a chat on the phone because she had a migrane today. One lady I took over bread early this month, so I had a conversation on the phone with her because she is so busy. So I visited one lady and gave her the lesson. So everything is done and I am happy about that. It is always a good feeling.

January 27th Thursday

It has been an enjoyable day for me just because we were able to attend the temple today. I don't think anyone can understand the different look on life that it gives you. Your perspective is different and it is worth the time it takes to attend the temple. It is certainly the house of the Lord. The girls are suppose to be working within a week, I don't know that that will happen but they would love to be working and earning some money. It would be good for them to fill the freedom in having a little money. My daughter called and asked if I could caterer her ward valentines party. She want burritos with all the trimmings and chocolate cupcakes. I told her if I could make some money I would certainly do it. The cost on the food will probably be over 250 dollars, but we are going to look for sales. At this point I need the money and I am willing to do it.

January 26th Wednesday

I keep thinking that I need to have another Primary meeting today, but once again my neck and head are not doing well. Plus I can't think of anything that we need to discuss this week, so I keep putting it off. This is suppose to be the week of our big launch of this new company, but the things they need for the Internet site don't seem to becoming together quit as easy as we would like. The problem is is we need it to happen now. Life is a little crazy around here and we need some money. But I guess if we all got together we would say the same thing. First I guess we all just need my husband to get well. He is in a lot of pain in his back. He needs some help for sure. He will ask his sons to give him a blessing, right now he needs the Lords help. We plan on going to the temple tomorrow, and he says he will go whether he is in pain of not. I certainly hope that tomorrow proves better for him.

January 25th Tuesday

Today there are a lot of birthdays in our family. My husbands older brothers birthday is today. It is my mother in laws birthday. Incidentally she is still suffering and not eating, because her throat is so sore, and they can's seem to find the reason. They finally changed her medication which I hope is the cause. She will die if she can't eat, as a matter of fact she will lose her will to live and that makes me very sad. It is her 88th birthday today and I wish we could do something special for her. That will be in the future and I am happy about that. It is my daughter in laws birthday today as well. A miracle will happen and next year we will be able to do something for her. We love all of our children, and daughter in laws, as well as son in laws. They are all special people who create joy in our home, we would love to do something for there birthdays. Right now a Happy Happy Birthday will have to do. So Chrissy we wish you the very best day of the year, and hope this year is another great year for you. You are an awesome young lady, and we wish all the best for you.

January 24th Monday

My girls are back in school today and I have enjoyed this day just because I accomplished a lot on Saturday and it is good to be in a clean room. I realize more and more how much having things clean can effect your attitude. I am grateful that I was able to accomplish what I did. I made bread today and tried to take pictures as I go. My dear daughter started a blog for me and I want her to continue it. So that I can teach people how to cook through the blog. I know that a lot of people need help, and I can help so I need to do just that.

I and the girls went over to Jennifers this evening to enjoy some entertainment with her. Her husband is out of town so we can have a girls night. We greatly enjoyed ourselves laughing and talking and watching crazy parts of the Bachelor cutting out what we felt was crazy. But my daughter know one of the girls on there through a friend so it is crazy to watch her.

Januray 23rd Sunday

It was a great day. We had great meetings and I conducted Primary and made it through. I will get this down yet and will succeed at becoming a better Primary President. The kids were so good today. They were so reverant. I was so proud of them. It was fun to see our Heavenly Fathers children be so good, it was if He were standing right there. Sister Webb's sharing time was so good and that was probably part of it. After church I had a ward presidency meeting. I had to leave early so that I could hear the twins speak. The did a fantastic job. I realize every day how wonderful they are. They truly impressed me today. I am grateful for Michelle for the help that she gave them while that were at her house. She certainly added a special touch to their talk. They had studied it so well and there presentation was fantastic. They truly felt of the spirit and delivered that message.

We went to Derricks and Jennifers for dinner. It was certainly fun being there and we are so grateful that they invited us. It was wonderful to be invited, and it was an incredible meal. We appreciate them so much and there generosity. They are great people.

January 22nd Saturday

My family has been gone to see my son race in St. George. They all got back tonight. Mike was 78 of more than 2000 people. I thought he did pretty good. His feet got really sore at 6 miles but he and his friend persisted anyway and finished the race. That is something to be proud of because they finished what they started and I am very proud of them.

Kim and Tam have a talk to give tomorrow. They were a little freaked out about it until I had them each give me their talks. I gave them a few pointers and went to bed. We have church at 9 in the morning and I am exhasuted. The biggest reason is is that I spent all day long cleaning out my room. I am so happy that my room and bathroom are clean. I vaccumed and washed everything to get all the dust out of my room. I would never have believed that there could be so much, but their was. Then I started on the sewing room when my family arrived from there little journey it was 11 PM and I still didn't have it done. I have a rotten vaccum and I used the hose just to get the sewing room clean. I still picked up a lot of little threads. It was a crazy day but I am so proud of myself.

January 21st Friday

We made it to the temple today. It was so nice to be back at the temple. I had a rough time towards the end where I had to stand. I felt as though I was going to faint. I am surprise I didn't and yet am so grateful that I didn't. I know that I need to get my life back to normal, and the temple was the beginning of that. I am just so grateful that I was able to go. I planned on doing so much when I got home. We went to visit my daughter and her husband. There rents will soon be out of their home in AF. I just hope they can rent it to another nice couple. I will certainly pray that that happens. Then we took some dishwasher soap back to Costco which was literally terrible and bought some new, plus some cheese and milk. Then we headed to Target because I still have some money on a gift certificate, to buy some more food, unfortunately everything was super expensive. So we bought some sour cream and left. I will use the gift certificate later on something else. The food certainly was not worth the price. It has been a great day and I am happy that I went to the temple even though I am a little weak tonight. It made my day.

Emily called yesterday and things are great for her. She went to the doctor and the baby is perfectly the size it needs to be and she is doing great. We will pray that that continues. We are so happy for her and we know that she is certainly blessed.

January 20th Thursday

The girls are have been preparing their talk for Sunday and have been cleaning and doing some laundry. They are getting ready to leave this weekend and they both are pretty unhappy with their brother because he was suppose to be her at 7 and they know that they won't get out of here until 8. But of course they knew that would happen so they shouldn't be surprised.

My husbands back is worse today and he has spent most of the day in bed. I keep telling him that we are a fine pare just a not feeling well couple. But we are planning on going to the temple tomorrow. We will see how that works out. Well my girls finally left at about 8 just as they planned. I hope they make it safe. At least they will have a few days away from the hum drum of home. I hope they have a great time, and enjoy themselves with their nieces and nephews.

January 19th Wednesday

I had a primary presidency meeting tonight. It never ceases to amaze me how such wonderful ladies can all be in one organization. It was a wonderful meeting and we were able to to discuss all we had too and we were through with in 45 minutes. I was so happy that they were all so great to get done quickly, because one of them had to leave for a temple recommend.

Kim and Tam got everything turned in for school today because they want to go and see there sister this weekend. I am so happy for them, they want to be able to visit family and watch there brother run in a half marathon. I hope he or his friend win. They have certainly worked out a lot for the past few months. They have certainly been dedicated to running this race. I certainly wish them the best of luck this weekend. I wish I could be there to watch the exciting race, but my husband has thrown his back out and I am still recovering from this sickness. I just don't understand why I am so still so weak, I guess it will just take time.

January 18th Tuesday

It is a day in which I have accomplished a lot. Phillip gave my husband an over coat when I got home from his mission. It was way to big for Phillip but the sleeves are way to short for Frank. So I took out all the sleeve area apart and extended the sleeves. I took out the lining and everything. I took off the four buttons on each sleeve, and redid the lining, it was a nightmare. It took me all day long. I did it all by hand. It looks a whole lot better than I expected. I am so happy about the way it looks. Because it faded a little at the ends it looks like the coat has cuffs, but it fits and that is all that counts.

January 17th Monday

I am so bad today is the 17th my daughters birthday and I forgot. I actually forgot, the first time that has happened. Soon I am going to be able to celebrate my children's birthdays the way that I want too. It is going to be amazing.

Kimberly is doing a picture for Lisa. It is a picture of Sierra and the Savior. She is looking up at him and smiling. It is an amazing picture. Kimberly has truly found her talent. I just hope she never lets it die. I know that Tamara could be just as amazing if she would keep going with her talent, but she refuses too. I am just glad to see that Kimberly is continuing. I know that each of my children have special talents. I certainly hope that they will learn what they are and persist in them. I know that I need to do the same with mine. I know that I could do a lot more if I just persist.

January 16th Sunday

I am so grateful that I was able to attend Conference today. Once again it was wonderful. We had 2 youth speakers. Andrew Farnsworth and Rachael Eggett. I and Frank taught Andrew in primary, it is amazing to see him so grown up and able to speak with such conviction. He is a council for a handicap group. He talked about how much they had made him grow and become a better person. He expected he would help them, but just the opposite has happened. Rachael talked about how important the family was how they do things together, vacation, have family night and scripture and prayers. It just made you want to be a better person. But once again the talk the struck me the most was Sister Karren's. She talked about the story in the bible about Jarius. He came to Jesus and asked him to come quickly because his daughter was very sick. Of course as Christ walked the people just gathered around him, and Jarius realizes that the time for his daughter is running short. Once again he pleads please come my daughter is very sick. At this time the lady with the issue of blood touches his robe. He feels it so strong. The apostles are wondering how he can tell there are so many people around him. At any rate he tells the lady that her faith has made her whole. Then he continues on but as he walks one of Jarius's friends comes and says, leave the master alone, your daughter is dead. Jarius is stuck with heart ache and he turns to the Savior. The Savior says 5 simple words to him, "Be not afraid, just believe. They go to Jarius's houses and there are people standing around. The Savior says, your daughter is not dead she is just resting. The people began to laugh. Jesus kind of pushes those people out of the room. Then he takes Jarius's daughters hand and tells her to arise, and she does. What a tender story. I realized through this story that Jarius was pleading for the Savior to hurry and yet he knew that Jarius's daughter would be fine. All this man needed to do was trust in the Savior. That is the way my life is right now. I need answers to my prayers with what I think is urgency. The Lord is telling me to "Be not afraid, just believe." I know that what I heard in this simple little story was just for me. I appreciated Sister Karren sharing it because she told it with such emotion and tenderness. She had a son die of heart problems so she knew exactly how Jarius felt. She realizes that the Lord loves each one of us individually. It was an amazing talk. The Lord does care about us, he is trying so hard to make us understand to just be patient. The whole conference was just good for me to hear.

January 15th Saturday

Kimberly still has the stomach flue. I feel bad for her, it certain isn't a fun flue to have. So she stayed home from the Saturday evening session of Conference. I went but had a hard time sitting there, especially towards the end. But it was a fantastic Conference and I am glad that I went. We had a visiting Quorum of the Seventy speak to us. He and his wife. There name was Brother and Sister Karren. He is from England and had a very strong accent. The whole Conference was incredible and I loved listening to everyone speak. Sister Jones spoke about virtue and about us living by that principle. Apparently those ladies who completed the the virtue value received a gold scarf or if the men completed it they wore a gold tie. I had completed it with Kimberly and Tamara just before they started this so I just started over on the Book of Mormon, but this time I didn't get quit done because I have been so sick for the last 3 weeks. I could have gotten the scarf because I completed it with Kimberly and Tamara but I never reported that I had already done it. I feel kind of bad about that because the scarfs were beautiful, but the Lord knows that I completed it.

Sister Summerfelt was called out of the audience to bare her testimony. She did a beautiful job. I think about the last time that I spoke and how shaky I was. Can I ever be as incredible as these wonderful ladies were tonight, I hope and pray so. I don't want to be so shaky the rest of my life. I love to speak when the subject I have can be so important. I want to go on a mission some day. I just pray for a miracle to happen for me that I can get over this. At any rate Sister Karren probably touched my heart the most because she talked about how important we are to our Father In Heaven. He loves us each individually. When we go and do work in the temple for dead we can only do that work for one person at a time. When we are baptized we do it for one person and that is ourselves. When men receive the priesthood they can only do it for themselves. No matter what we do it is for one person. When we partake of the sacrament it is for one person that is ourselves. The Lord loves us so much that He wants each one person to be recognized as that one person. I am so grateful that He loves us individually and recognizes us individually. He hears our prayers individually and answers them individually. I think that was good for me to hear, because sometimes I feel like the little things I ask for in my prayers may not be as important as someone elses. I realized through that talk that the Lord cares about us so much even those little things that are so important to us. I loved the Conference and wish that I could remember it all, because it was amazing.

January 14th Friday

Today we went to a new store called "Hobby Lobby". I was happy to go in this store because as I entered the doors I read, "We will be closed on Sunday for families and for Sabbath Day worship." I was so happy to read that, apparently they are a big chain back East. I hope they make it because of what they stand for. While we were there Kim and Tam purchased some stuff to make Ruth a charm bracelet. Then we all came home and I and Kim rested while Tamara made Ruth a cute large cup cake, cake. It was so cute. Karalee and the girls took it over because I am still feeling bad. But I just wanted her to know that we were thinking of her this birthday. It was fun to see how excited she was. The girls tell me that she loved the cake, she didn't get one this year. I was so excited for her. I wish I could have been there and seen her face. That will have to happen next year I guess. She loved the charm bracelet as well.

Karalee spent the evening with us watching a movie. It was actually a good movie and they told me it was a horror movie. I was glad it was actually a good movie.

January 13th Thursday

It is Ruth's birthday and we would like to do something special for her. But Kimberly has had the stomach flue and Tamara has had a cold so we couldn't get Ruth's cute cake done and bracelet done that we wanted too. Plus me feeling under the weather doesn't help so I guess that will all have to happen tomorrow.

Because I have been feeling under the weather still, I went to see Dr. Canapari today. He worked on me and told me some things I could do to feel better. I feel a little better and I hope each day I improve because I really want to go to Stake Conference this week end. I am praying for strength because I still feel so weak. I have just got to start feeling like me. It is sad that a sickness can have this kind of a toil on you.

January 12th Wednesday

I have been reading in the "Book of Mormon." It is amazing that that Book can be such an answer to prayers. I realize that I need to be a better person, and that if I read the scriptures daily I can become that person, during my sickness I have failed in that area. I will change that because I understand how important it is to search diligently, treasure up, feast, and hold fast to the scriptures. We were all taught that in Sharing Time in Primary. I know how important each one of these things are, and how important it is for all of us to follow the leaders counsel. I will make my New Years resolution to be a better scripture studier.

Michelle called and she is having a girl. I am so excited for her. It is like Kimberly and Tamara said she will have another girl because at this point the Lord does not want her to stop having children. Kim and Tam amaze me sometimes with the wisdom that comes out of their mouths.

January 11th Tuesday

I am still sick. I swore I would not throw up again, but I guess swearing it doesn't mean a thing, because it happened last night. So it's another day of not eating and knowing that I need too, I don't need to lose any more weight. I guess I am sick of being sick. The problem is because I am so shaky I can't do embroidery work, I can't read because it is hard to see and concentrate when there are other things that are in pain. "Little House On The Prairie" becomes boring after awhile. I guess I just need to get better, being in bed is not mine or anyone elses idea of fun. I will rejoice when this is finally over.

January 10th Monday

It is Monday and I am in bed again. Yes sick again. I have the stomach flue. I don't know where I picked it up from, but I have it again. I am so sick. The weakness has gotten worse. I can't believe that I am sick again. I thought I was on the road to recovery and I am sick again. My family is having to take over for me again. I feel so bad, I need to be up being a Mom. I think being sick is probably one of the hardest things I as a Mother has to go through. I just pray that from her I get truly better.

January 9th Sunday

It has been a Sunday that I am so graeful for, because I have a counselor that is an answer to my prayers. I know it has been hard for her to be in the Primary, because she was in the Young Women. But I am so grateful for her because she saved me today. I knew that physically I wasn't ready for sharing time but I found out how unprepared I was when I stood up in front of the children. I was in such bad shape and was shaking so bad, so I let this counselor take over. She did a beautiful job, she was certainly inspired. I can't thank the Lord enough for her. Sharing time was on the scriptures, and she just took over and did a fantastic job. After church I had ward counsel meeting. It lasted a while. When I finally got home from the meeting I went to bed. Kim and Tam fixed supper. It was great, but afterwards I still didn't feel well. I went to bed early, my husband said, no getting out of bed. You shouldn't have attended your meetings today, you still are not well. I think as usual he is right. He seems to know me better than myself. It is like the saying from a movie said, "I know that the Lord loves me because He made you just for me," and that is the way I feel about the man I married.

January 8th Saturday

I watched a movie it was called "Mades Family Reunion." It is a movie that I love certain parts in. One is where the familly has gathered together at a reunion. I love the words that are spoken by one of the elderly ladies at the reunion. I know I didn't get all the words and would like to copy the words but I did get some of the words. "Family reunions are about uniting a family. Reuniting the young and old. Giving thanks to God. When we drove up the street we saw young girls half dressed, young boys gambling. What happened to the pride the dignity, the love, and respect. Your relatives that came before you worked hard for this land, they gave there all. They worked to recieve whatever they got. Young men take your place, your sons and daughter need you. Take your place starting now. Young women you are more than your thighs and hips, you are divine young women. Take your place. Hug the person next to you tell them you will do anything for them. God expects families to care about each other. Tell your family you are willing to do anything for them, or give them anything, all they need do is ask. We are a family and at any time we should be able to rely on one another because we are family. And that is what God expects of you." I know I forgot a lot, but this is what families are all about. We are here to make people better, to be the kind of family to each other that we should, even though we think at times they don't deserve it.

It is Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday. I am still a little concerned about Sharing Time tomorrow, we will see how it goes. My husband has given me some great idea's and I know that I have plenty of stuff to take up the time, I am just having a hard time getting over this crazy unsteadiness. I just pray that I make it through tomorrow.

January 7th Friday

I think that I feel great and start to get up and clean and then I have to sit down because I lose my energy really fast. I somehow just need to find a way to build my energy again. I am sure it will just take time. I think I am ready for sharing time, but I am still so weak that it certainly scares me to see what the out come will be.

While I have been trying to get better an still having to lie down a lot to keep going, I think a lot about all those people who have life so much different than I do and are sick with so many illnesses, and they have to stay in bed for months or even years. I realize that my complaints are so minuet compared to others. And yet being sick makes you realize how blessed you are in your life. I love all my children so much, they can't even comprehend how much, and they will never understand until they are all blessed with children of their own. My husband is so supportive and so loving that I wouldn't survive without him, I can't possibly imagine marrying someone else. I think about the guy that I dated before my husband came along to save me, and my heart shutters. I knew in my heart I would never marry him, but I also felt like I could change him. I dated him for over 1 year. Birthdays, Christmas and other things would come and go without a whole lot of great presents or things from him and yet I would try to make those things special for him. It seemed like I was always finding ways to see him. I would invite him to things. I would get my brother to double date and then I would call him and have him go with us. I think at the time I was not thinking straight, may be because I felt like I needed a boy friend. He was younger than I so he was still in High School when I graduated. He asked me to the Sweetheart ball. I thought I was in heaven. I had a great time, and certainly thought things were going to change. He asked me to Senior day which was part of going to a dance, then dinner, a movie and then breakfast. He asked me a couple of months before the dance. A week or so before the dance he called and cancelled. And yet time went on and I still thought I liked him. So once again I called and he did a lot of things with me. Because they weren't really dates at times I would pay. I guess back in my mind I knew he was dating someone else and yet I still was convinced I loved him. I knew he wasn't the kind of guy I would marry. His church attendence wasn't always what it should have been. He wasn't dedicated to the gospel of Jesus Christ the way I wanted him to be. He would sometimes swear, but not around me, he drank cola drinks which I did not believe in. He wasn't planning on going on a mission even though his older brother was a missionary. He was not what I wanted in a husband at all and yet I convinced myself it would be OK to keep dating him. Time went on and soon it was Christmas again. He actually bought me things that I always expected he would buy me. He bought me some perfume that I loved and a Carpenter record. I was so excited. His mother called and asked me to Christmas dinner. I loved the time there. Suddenly we were sitting out in front of my house talking. He was telling me that we needed to date others and cool the all the time thing. I said you know what I have had it. I just want you to go your way and I'll go mine and this is over. I always tried to get in good with his family. I would take this guys little sister to the movie and out to dinner if this guy wasn't home. I was so blind. This happened in December. Then I saw my husband in our ward on January. I thought he was a cousin to the Craven family, but later found out he was a son. He had just gotten home from his mission, he had his welcome home when I was at another ward. Everyone announced he had a girlfriend because a girl played the paino at his welcome home. But in spite of it all, I still felt like I wanted to get to know him. Well a few months went by and even though I saw him at church I never saw this girlfriend. But I did see the guy that I dated occassionaly he showed up at my house announcing a great score on bowling or just wanting to talk. In the mean time my brothers were using my perfume to make the fire in our fireplace larger. They disliked this guy and were very happy to let me know. I should have listened to them in the first place, especially my brother that was a returned missionary. It is interesting how in tune my family was. Before I knew it, a miracle happened and I was engaged to my husband, trust me there were times that my mom would call and say stay where you are at, this other guy is here again. The Lord caused an unbelievable miracle to happen. I got rid of a guy that wasn't the right one for me, and my Father in Heaven sent me an unbelievable guy that was just right for me. I think that is why we were engaged and married so quickly. It was the right thing to do came so strong I can't even imagine anything stronger. There are times that you go through some difficult times in your marriage, if you don't have a loving supportive spouse things will do nothing but get worse and I'd hate to see what happened then. The other young man married a girl who was the right one for him. I married the guy that was the right one for me, and the Lord certainly took care of me. Through my prayers, scripture reading and things I could do to draw closer to the Lord, made me realize that I wasn't quite in the right place to receive who the Lord had prepared for me. I am grateful for miracles in my life and I am grateful for those who love and care about me. I am grateful for those who pray for me. I am grateful to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am grateful that I was born an raised in a wonderful family who never gave up on me even though sometimes I was stupid. I am so grateful to be who I am and that I married in to the wonderful family that I did. That all of my brothers and sisters are good people who strive to live the gospel and that my family in law are the same. All of my husbands brothers and sister strive to live the gospel. I can't thank the Lord enough for my life, it could have been so different. I don't think I had the slightest idea that I married such a good man. He loves me, but most of all he loves the Lord and because he loves the Lord so much he loves me more. He hugs me all the time and tells me how beautiful I am. Even at those times when I am not, when I was very pregnant with twins. He kisses me in front of the family and holds me when I need to feel safe, when I need to be told everything will be alright, when I just need some reassurance, when I need to know that he cares. He reads his scriptures, says his prayers daily. He attends the temple weekly, he serves so many people. He is constantly scraping peoples walks in the winter. He does construction work for those in need, he serves his parents and mine because he is always there when they need him. He takes care of his parents by going by to see them a couple of times a week. He strives to keep the house clean when I am sick, he fixes meals. He cleans the kitchen when no one else in the home feels like doing it. He is constantly trying to do help anyone he can. He loves his children, prays for them, fasts for them and keeps a pray in his heart for them. He is constantly concerned about them. He is a good man and I am so glad that he is my eternal companion.

January 6th Thursday

I had my Primary Presidency meeting tonight. We had so much to discuss that it was almost a 2 hour meeting. I felt really bad because I know these ladies need to be home with their families. But we accomplished so much and I am so happy to be a part of of an organization that has such great ladies in it. I am so grateful for the inspiration I was given by the Lord to chose this presidency. I have been so blessed. They have taken care of everything fantastically while I have been sick. They are all a great blessing in my life. They did so much while I have been sick. They changed the bulletin board, plus they spent a lot of time cleaning out the primary closet. Such good women.

I've been still so weak, I wish I could say that I am totally back to normal but I am not. I have to do sharing time on Sunday, with as weak as I am it concerns me. But I know that I have great counselors and they will help me in any way that they can.

January 5th Wednesday

It is the beginning of a new semester for my children. They school today. They have some great classes and are ready for a new semester. I am glad they are enjoying life. It is fun for them. I have been sewing again today and actually got all 3 of my skirts done. I am so happy that they are all done. Now I just need a bunch of black invisible zippers to finish the skirts I started at Christmas. I am tired of unfinished projects and I am going to finish all my projects. I have a meeting tomorrow with my Primary Presidency, the first one I have had in a couple of weeks because I have been so sick. I am excited to get back in to things. I am just so blessed, because once again I feel better than I did yesterday. Each day is a miracle to me. Speaking of miracles. My mother in law is doing fantastic. She went through her surgery with miraculous success, and she doesn't have to go through physical therapy because her leg has made a miraculous recovery. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood and the power of pray. Once again a miracle has happened.

January 4th Tuesday

I have been feeling better but still really weak, so it has been another day of sewing. I almost finished 2 skirts today. I have done a lot of hand work up around the bands. So it has been a relaxing time for me. Plus I have accomplished something rather than feeling worthless. I only have one skirt to finish, then I will be through with all the skirts I have cut out for myself. I now have some new outfits, I am grateful for that one. I haven't had a new Sunday dress to wear for along time. Now I can make some fun varieties. Tamara added a ruffle to a dress she hates wearing. Now she loves it. Lisa has brought a whole new excitement to refashioning things for this family. I am so happy to make something new out of something that isn't being used. I am so happy for some new idea's. It is great.

January 3rd Monday

I have got to get better so today I got up and tried to accomplish something. I have had 3 skirts that I have wanted to make for myself. I took some dresses that my children would wear because they were just to small. I cut them off in to skirts but I have never made the skirts. So today I started. Because they are skirts I can do a lot of hand work from my bed. I worked hard and almost got one done. I don't seem to be able to stay up to long, because I am so weak. I have been taking the liquid iron Frank got me from the health food store, plus I have been taking Toms dreaded gumbo, plus some energize C. I have been drinking a lot. I am bond and determined to concur this sickness. I feel better every day and I am so grateful for that.
Michelle called and her children have been sick again, especially Tessie and Tyler. She finally took them to the doctor and they had a bad case of strept. I am sure she could have handled it without taking them to the doctor, but it seems to make her feel better and that is all that counts at this point. I is hard to handle sick children, especially when you are pregnant yourself.

January 2nd Sundday

I have been in bed again today. Thanks to my husband I am sitting in a beautifully cleaned room and bathroom, and because of that I can handle things a little better. While in bed I have listened to the sounds of Sunday. What a blessing music is in our life. It can bring such sweetness and peace. I have also had the opportunity to turn the TV on channel 21 which is wonderful. President Hales is speaking right now. He is talking about us and our choices. He talked about when he was a youth and he had the job of shellacking floors. On one particular occassion, he found himself shellacked into a corner. Rather than shellacking from the corner to the doorway he had done opposite and found himself stuck in a corner. He had taken away his free agency. He only had two choices he could either stay there and wait until the room dried or he could travel across the very sticky floor and cause himself to have to start all over resand, reshellack redo the floor. Just like in all choices we make. We can make life easy for ourselves just as we can shellack ourselves into a corner. He talked of Martin Harris who wanted to show family a portion of the plates. He went to Joseph Smith and asked please let me. Joseph Smith inquired of the Lord. Finally the Lord told Joseph Smith to do what he wanted too. So Joseph Smith let Martin Harris have that portion of the plates. They were lost. The Lord will only tell us No so long then he will let us make our own decisions. We have been counseled many times as to what we should do but in the end it is our decision. That decision can put us in corner with no escape, or it can give us all the agency we want. It is that way with everything we chose, a job we may be interested in, a school we may insist on going too, a carrier we may insist on pursuing, a marriage that we may insist on happening or chosing to go to the temple or not. These are all choices that can effect the rest of our lives. This talk was given by Elder Hales on Sept 2010 at BYU if you want to look it up. It really made me stop and think.

My daughter made it back home after being in Phoneix since Monday. A miracle happened for her and I am grateful that they are safe home. On the way home they arrived in a small town because they had run out of gas. After looking around they realized that there were no gas stations open, they chose to stay over night in a hotel. Suddenly realizing that the hotels were out of their reach, Nate determined that they would have to sleep in the car until morning. Lisa said Nate we need to go on, it isn't warm in this car. He said Lisa we are out of gas. She said I know that but if you are willing to drive to the next town. I have the faith and I know we will make it. Well they did make it, it was truly a miracle. I am sure it was over 25 miles away. Nate was almost in tears when they finally made it. Nate said now you are going to talk about this in church at every meeting for years. Lisa said you are absolutely right. I am so happy for her because we need to show gratitude to the Lord. He caused a miracle to happen and we need to acknowledge that, and share it.

January 1st 2011 Saturday

It is the beginning of a New Year. I was hoping to jump up this morning and be ready to go. But unfortunately I am still really weak. I just wanted to get my bedroom and bathroom clean. I hate being sick when all around me is falling apart. But I guess that wasn't in the works. I am still so weak and I feel like I can't hold up my own head. I just feel so bad because I am relying on my first counselor and secretary pretty heavy right now. I hate not being able to fulfill my responsibilites. I had a teacher call and is in St. George and forgot to get a substitute. After giving them a lot of names and phone numbers they finally found a sustitute. I was grateful for that. We have a young lady going into the young women. I needed to interview her and talk to the bishop. My first counselor will have to take care of that. It is a good thing that I have such responsible people under me. This week will be over and I will be me again. I am already sleeping through the night which I count a miracle. Life just keeps getting better.

My mother in law is in a lot of pain and still doesn't feel well. I pray that she will recover quickly.